Rosemary, Heaven restores you in life.
September 21st 2023
A man in a half-assed arabesque in a casino

This is an image of my friend in a casino that I took.

We drove hours through the desert to get there.

He lost all the cash he brought.

So did I.

Is my stomach still upset from the spicy chicken sandwich?

I wish the answer was "no".

Did I need some escapism yesterday?

Hell yes.

I've been thinking about the idea of leaving a legacy.

Some of my friends are talking about having kids.

I don't want kids.

And even if I did, I can't afford it.

I'll be 33 tomorrow.

63 years younger than my Grandfather if he makes it through today.

I know one couple my age with a child.

They are brilliant, kind, empathetic, caring people who love their daughter.

They both can drink me under the table.

I wish I saw them more, but kids, ya know?.

I hope I'm remembered as helpful.

At least for a little while.

Because in one hundred years no one will remember you or me.


A couple years ago my friends and I tried to open a bar.

We drafted a business plan.

Rounded up funding.

Toured spaces.

Negotiated with landlords.

But we failed.

I don't know if it was self sabotage or the untenable idea of paying $5,000 a month for 1,000 square feet.

Everything has been purchased.

Life is unaffordable.

The world is boiling.

On the brightside, I think I'll get an iced coffee and an avocado toast today.


Geography and religion are weird.

Where you are born and raised impact faith more than anything else.

Alabama === Protestant

Utah === Mormon

Republic of Maldives === Muslim

Czech Republic === Atheist

And lucky you.

You just happened to be born where the one true religion is practiced.


The above is "Evil" by Interpol.

It's an indie rock song from their album, "Antics", released on September 27, 2004, by Matador Records.

I hated Interpol 20 years ago.

I read about them in Spin Magazine.

I think I was a little too proto for their punk.

Since then, I've come to obsess over their strange lyrics and off kilter melodic lines.

They are a crummy live band.

Paul Banks isn't a great singer.

Carlos D. just up and left.

But "Evil" is a great song.

As with "Lo Tom" I didn't really get into "Antics".

But this song is angsty, shithead, depressed, and worried late teens / early twenties for me.

I still feel worried.

And I still love this song.


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